small - a man a part

our friend was here for four months, now he's gone. goodbye andy.

It's friday. this week has felt long, due to the archiving that i'm doing, which is a lot of prep and then even more waiting. raise your hand if you like waiting.

yesterday i got into reading about unsolved and amazing crime capers. it was rather interesting. i knew nothing of the hitler diaries until yesterday. i also knew nothing of the insurance scandal by frankel. it's interesting stuff. i'm tempted to write, it's like tv, but on paper, but that would be ridiculous.

i'm also reading lord of the flies. the prose in that book is weird. i like the concept, and i like where it's going, but it's strange, really dense i guess. i get lost in it, not the lost in a novel feeling, but lost like, what just happened, how did they get here. has anyone else read it?

i find it really hard to be honest and forthright at my work place. not because i'm deceitful but because everything is so nuanced, that i can't accurately portray how i feel without sounding like an rambling idiot. does that make any sense? i'm honest, the best i can be, but sometimes when i'm asked, why'd you do that, that way? i'm like, well, because i wanted to do it that way. and then it's like, why didn't you do it this way, and i'm like, well, um, i don't know. i just didn't. when i'm thinking,

"well, i thought that since you were being all weird about it and since you don't tell me things, this is the best, in my opinion, for you, but now that you tell me that this is wrong, i feel like a moron for not thinking about it your way, and when i do think about it your way now, i'm like see, that makes more sense, but i didn't think about it that way because i'm not you and i can't read you mind because you aren't always thinking about what i should or should not be doing until after the fact and then i should be like why didn't you say something sooner and you'd be like, well, i didn't think of it until after, but you should have thought about it this way. i'm incompetent, and i'm sorry."

doesn't that sound like a rambling idiot? anyway. it's the small things that matter right? i feel like i'm screwing up the small things. but i'm ignoring all the small things they screwed up, so that i have more self pity than i really need. so i shouldn't ignore those things. i should just accept that it's clear now and hold no grudges.

Posted by jack. | | Email post

« Home | i was sick on monday.two things crossed my mind wh... » //-->

I feel the same way about Lord of the Flies. How could such a potentially cool situation turn out to be so dull? Not that it's not a worthwhile read. It just would have been better if Stephen King had written it, or if it was more like Lost, or something.

Posted by Anonymous #

~Oo°~

I read Lord of the Flies a loong time ago, back in Peru. I think I was 15, maybe 14? I remember it gave me nightmares afterwards. As far as I recall, it's a good book.

And I completely understand what you're saying about work. Yep, once you get into the real world it's all a game. How to show you're better than everybody else, or how to not show you're not as smart. I think I'm slowly learning. The best idea is to keep quiet, most of the time. The quiet guy holds the power. If they ask you "why did you do it this way?" don't offer any excuses, or apologetic behavior. That shows weakness. Instead, pause for a couple of seconds, and then turn the emphasis back on the questioner. I think one of the biggest rules in the workplace is, the less you confide, the less you let other people know about yourself, the better.

I know. This sounds like Donald Trump corporate bullshit. But it's all true. At least in my experiences.

Posted by Anonymous #

~Oo°~

sucks to your auntie.
sucks to your ass-mar.

Posted by Anonymous #

~Oo°~

i'm with gabe on lord of the flies. i think i read it in grade 10. i remember liking it. i don't remember the prose. i was in grade 10.

Posted by Anonymous #

~Oo°~

I read Lord of the Flies in grade 10 or 11 but I didn't like it. I thought it's probably a good book, but I always felt bad for the fat kid and I thought the kids were idiots. But probably my two biggest problems were A) I could picture everything that was happening and it was not at all pretty (though perhaps I needed some of that?) and B) I was told there is supposed to be a lot of symbolism and such in there and I just didn't get it.
Maybe I should read it again. but I probably won't.

Posted by Anonymous #

~Oo°~

I just tried commenting and I don't know where it went. So here goes again.
I read Lord of the flies in grade 10 or 11 and I didn't like it for two main reasons.
1 - I kept getting mental pictures of everything that was happening and it was NOT pretty. I was just disgusted by so much of it; disgusted by the kids and the way they treated the fat kid (I don't even remember his name).
2 - I had to analyze this book for literature, right? But I just didn't get it - the symbolism and stuff - so it was a source of frustration.
maybe I should read it again. But I probably won't.

Posted by Anonymous #

~Oo°~

(Oh look, there it is! sorry for the double post....)

Posted by Anonymous #

~Oo°~

Post a comment :